From: Erin N. (email@example.com)
Date: Sun Jan 19 2003 - 02:42:53 GMT
PIRSIG: "To put philosophy in the service of any social organization or any
dogma is immoral. It's a lower form of evolution trying to devour a higher
This quote always reminds me of this Simpson episode where
Mensa takes over governing Springfield.
Skinner: According to the charter, should the mayor abdicate,
a council of learned citizens may rule in his stead.
Lisa: Well, there's no one more learned than us.
Hibbert: So I guess [chuckles] we're in charge.
Wiggum: Wha? Lemme see that. [takes the charter and starts
reading] See here ... We the people ... cruel and
unusual ... blah, blah, blah ... ritual circumcision
... yak, yak, yak, ah, geez, I'll take your word for
it. [puts the charter back on the desk] I guess
you are in charge!
[Mensa group cheers]
%They waste no time in setting a new course for Springfield.
Lisa: With our superior intellects, we could rebuild this
city on a foundation of reason and enlightenment.
We could turn Springfield into a utopia!
Skinner: A new Athens!
Lindsay: Or Walden II.
Wiggum: Yeah, a real Candyland. [the others stare at him]
Of the mind, the mind. I'll just go now. [he and
the other cops start to leave] Bunch of dorks.
% Three days pass, and Kent Brockman drops by city hall to interview
% the "Bright Pack."
Brockman: So, Lisa, what do you and your fellow eggheads have
planned for the city? Business as usual?
Lisa: No, Kent, we're going to use the power of good ideas
to change things for the better.
Brockman: [laughs] Well, excuse this jaded reporter if he says
he's heard that before.
Lisa: Oh, well, we really mean it.
Brockman: [shocked] Ahh! You do?
Lindsay: Yes. For example, no one was showing up for jury
duty, so we made the experience more exciting by
synergizing it with his comic book collection.
[cut to Moe's tavern. Moe opens an envelope]
Moe: [reading] You have been chosen to join the Justice
Squadron, 8 a.m. Monday at the Municipal Fortress of
Vengeance. Oh, I am *so* there.
[back to City Hall]
Frink: We studied the traffic patterns and found that
drivers move the fastest through yellow lights. So
now, we just have the red and yellow lights. N'hey.
[cut to Lenny, driving on the street. The light
turns from red to yellow, and Lenny floors it]
Lenny: C'mon, stay yellow, stay yellow! Man, I'm making
record time! [wistfully] If only I had some place
[back to City Hall]
Skinner: And we've really elevated the level of discourse at
the dog track. [cut to the track, with Skinner's
explanation as a voice-over] We've replaced the
fanfare with classical music, and instead of chasing
a rabbit, the dogs chase a diploma.
[back to City Hall]
CBG: The world has already taken note of our
accomplishments. [points to a computer listing of
cities] Springfield has moved up to #299 on the
list of America's most livable 300 cities. Take
that, East St. Louis!
% The learned council conducts a weekly status meeting. Skinner
% proudly reports that the trains are now running on time -- metric
% time. Lisa asks for proposals to give at the State of the City
% address. CBG has a plan for eliminating female obesity. Lindsay
% brushes this off and suggests building a shadow-puppet theater (both
% Balinese or Thai). CBG sarcastically dismisses the idea, which pegs
% Frink's sarcasm detector.
Ooh, a sarcasm detector. Oh, that's a *real* useful invention. [the
detector beeps rapidly and explodes]
% The council dissolves into bickering.
% Lisa welcomes the town to the State of the City address.
Lisa: Welcome, everyone! Today we embark an a new era of
Crowd: [chanting] Gov-er-nance! Gov-er-nance! Gov-er-
Skinner: [clears throat] We have some new rules and
regulations that you're just going to go ape-poopy
over. Professor Frink? [yields the mike to Frink]
Frink: [clears throat] Well, first of all, we're going to
ban such barbaric sports as bullfighting and
[cheers from the crowd]
Also boxing, both, uh, kick and the kinds with the
[less enthusiastic cheering]
And hockey, football, push-ups, and anything in
general where you have to take off your shirt, which
Lisa: [whispering to Lindsay] I don't remember discussing
[CBG takes the microphone]
CBG: Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the
Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven
years. For many of you, this will be much less
breeding. For me, much, much more.
Willie: You cannot do that sir! You don't have the power!
-- East St. Louis is starting to look better, "They Saved
% As the crowd grows more unsettled, the council begins to argue
% amongst themselves again. The talk degenerates into an "I'm smarter
% than you are" contest, which is interrupted by a man in a
Council: Stephen Hawking!
Skinner: The world's smartest man!
Lisa: What are you doing here?
Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia, but now I see it is
more of a Fruitopia.
Skinner: [chuckles] I'm sure what Dr. Hawking means is --
Hawking: Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me, except
this voice box. You have clearly been corrupted by
power. For shame.
Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!
[the crowd cheers in agreement]
% Dr. Hawking tells Skinner he's not sure what's the bigger
% disappointment: his own failure to formulate a unified field
% theory, or Springfield's egghead cabal. Skinner objects, and
% Hawking punches him with a spring-loaded boxing glove he has mounted
% on his wheelchair.
% The fight incites the crowd to take action.
Homer: Come on, you idiots! We're taking back this town!
Carl: Yeah! Let's make litter out of these literati!
Lenny: That's too clever -- you're one of them! [punches Carl]
% Lisa meekly asks the crowd to stay calm, but a full-scale
% Springfieldian riot quickly develops. Hawking figures it's time to
% make his escape and activates ... his automatic toothbrush. Oops --
% wrong button. His second try starts a set of helicopter blades and
% small thrusters, which enable Hawking to fly away from the gazebo.
% As the roof is about to collapse upon her, Lisa yells for help.
% Hawking uses his chair's telescoping grappling arm to grab Lisa, and
% rescue her in the nick of time.
% The two land safely some distance away from the fighting.
Marge: Lisa, thank God you're okay!
Homer: Did you have fun with your robot buddy?
Lisa: [embarrassed] Da-aad! [to Hawking] Oh, Dr. Hawking,
we had such a beautiful dream. What went wrong?
Hawking: Don't feel bad, Lisa. Sometimes, the smartest of us
can be the most childish.
Lisa: Even you?
Hawking: No. Not me. Never.
% Marge sums things up nicely, by saying that everyone has their own
% idea of what makes a perfect world. Unfortunately, the sentiment
% isn't exactly hers -- she read it off Dr. Hawking's voice computer
% screen. Trying to relieve the awkwardness of the moment, Marge
% suggests going out for some beers. Hawking says, "That's the
% smartest thing I've heard all day." So, the gang ends up at Moe's
Hawking: Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is
intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
Homer: Wow, I can't believe someone I never heard of is
hanging out with a guy like me.
Moe: All right, it's closing time. Who's paying the tab?
Homer: [imitating Hawking's voice box] I am.
Hawking: I didn't say that.
Homer: [still imitating] Yes I did.
[the glove comes out again, bopping Homer in the
[still imitating] D'oh.
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