MD Happy New Year!

From: Mark Steven Heyman (
Date: Sun Dec 19 2004 - 23:02:58 GMT

  • Next message: Mark Steven Heyman: "RE: MD Mysticism or Cosmic Debris?"

    Hi all,

    Thought you might enjoy this...

    It's going to be a fun fun year, 2005. And to better prepare
    yourself for all the merrymaking here is a calendar of some of the
    more delightful things to look forward to.

    JANUARY 5: Bush announces that Iran, Syria, North Korea, Sudan and
    Cuba all possess weapons of mass destruction, are an imminent threat
    to the United States, have close ties to al Qaeda and the Taliban,
    are aiding insurgents in Iraq, were involved in 9-11, played a role
    in the assassination of John F. Kennedy and the attack on Pearl
    Harbor, and are all "really bad guys".

    JANUARY 21: 150 people at a PTA meeting in Des Moines, Iowa arrested
    in marijuana raid.

    FEBRUARY 15: Michael Moore assassinated by man named Oswald Harvey.

    FEBRUARY 18: Oswald Harvey, while in solitary confinement and guarded
    round the clock by 1200 policemen, killed by man named Ruby Jackson.

    FEBRUARY 26: Ruby Jackson suddenly dies of a rare Asian disease
    heretofore unknown in the Western Hemisphere

    MARCH 6: Congress passes a law requiring that all persons arrested in
    anti-war demonstrations must be sterilized. President Bush says it
    is "God's will". John Kerry votes for the law but declares that he
    has misgivings because there's no provision for a right of appeal.

    MARCH 20: 11 nuns in Glad Valley, South Dakota arrested in marijuana

    APRIL 1: Military junta overthrows Hugo Chavez in Venezuela.
    Washington decries the loss of democracy.

    APRIL 2: US recognizes the Venezuelan military junta, sells it 100
    jet fighters.

    APRIL 3: Revolution breaks out in Venezuela endangering the military
    junta; 40,000 American marines land in Caracas to quell the uprising.

    APRIL 14: ExxonMobil, ChevronTexaco, General Electric, General
    Motors, Ford and IBM merge to form "Free Enterprise, Inc."

    APRIL 16: Free Enterprise, Inc. seeks to purchase Guatemala and
    Haiti. Citigroup refuses to sell.

    APRIL 18: Free Enterprise, Inc. purchases Citigroup.

    APRIL 30: Dick Cheney announces that the United States has discovered
    large caches of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. "So all those
    doubters can just go "F" themselves," he declares, displaying his
    much-lauded new moderation in language. But the vice-president can
    not provide any details of the find because, he says, to do so might
    reveal intelligence sources or methods.

    MAY 9: The Democratic Party changes its name to the Republican Lite
    Party, and announces the opening of a joint bank account with the
    Republican Party so that corporate lobbyists need make out only one

    MAY 11: China claims to have shot down an American spy plane over the
    center of China. State Department categorically denies the story.

    MAY 12: State Department admits that an American plane may have
    "inadvertently" strayed 2,000 miles into China, but denies that it
    was a spy plane.

    MAY 13: State Department admits that the plane may have been a spy
    plane but denies that it was piloted by a US government employee.

    MAY 14: State Department admits that the pilot was a civilian
    employee of a Defense Department contractor but denies that China

    MAY 27: 16-year-old boy sentenced to life imprisonment in Mississippi
    for smoking marijuana.

    JUNE 5: President Bush delivers the John Ashcroft Distinguished
    Emeritus Address on Separation of Church and State at Bob Jones
    University, Greenville, SC.

    JUNE 11: Homeland Security announces plan to take the DNA at birth of
    every child born in the United States.

    JULY 1: The air in Los Angeles reaches so bad a pollution level that
    the rich begin to hire undocumented workers to breathe for them.

    JULY 4: 12-year-old girl put to death in Utah for smoking marijuana.

    AUGUST 7: Deserters from US military service seeking political asylum
    in Canada now number 15,000. Declaring "You're either with us or
    you're against us", President Bush issues a thinly-veiled warning to
    the Canadian government.

    SEPTEMBER 1: The draft is reinstated for males and females, ages 16
    to 45. Those who are missing a limb or are blind can apply for non-
    combat roles.

    SEPTEMBER 4: Riots breaks out in 24 American cities in protest of the
    draft. 100,000 American troops who are brought home from Iraq to put
    down the riots ... join them.

    OCTOBER 6: The Bush twins arrested in a marijuana raid on a DC disco.

    OCTOBER 8: The Supreme Court declares all marijuana laws
    unconstitutional, retroactively.

    OCTOBER 19: Cops the world over form a new association, Policemen's
    International Governing Society. PIGS announces that its first goal
    will be to mount a campaign against the notion that a person is
    innocent until proven guilty, in those countries where the notion
    still dwells.

    NOVEMBER 10: Military junta overthrows President Luiz Inácio Lula in
    Brazil. Washington decries the loss of democracy.

    NOVEMBER 11: US recognizes the Brazilian military junta, sells it 200

    NOVEMBER 12: Revolution breaks out in Brazil endangering the military
    junta; 50,000 American marines land in Rio to quell the uprising.

    DECEMBER 1: Supreme Court rules that police may search anyone if they
    have reasonable grounds for believing that the person has pockets.

    DECEMBER 25: US prison population reaches 2.5 million; it is
    determined that at least 70 percent of the prisoners would not have
    been incarcerated a century ago, for the acts they committed were
    then not criminal violation

    Best wishes to all for the coming year. Really.
    Mark Steven Heyman (msh)
    InfoPro Consulting - The Professional Information Processors
    Custom Software Solutions for Windows, PDAs, and the Web Since 1983
    Web Site:

    "The shadows that a swinging lamp will throw,
            We come from nowhere and to nothing go."

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